Today im going to eat! and I mean EAT!

Im going to my parents for some home cooked ziti with sausage! I cant resist that. Im even going to make some bruschetta. So today is my OFF day! along with friday which is my date night!whatever...I can do this! I weigh 165 this week. Last week I was 167. Im on my way slowly.

Midnight snack..shouldnt have done it

Ok, so yesterday I did so good until my husband came home at 11pm. I had dinner ready and we were about to eat then I asked him "What did you eat today?" he said "not good, I had pizza" I immediatly was jealous and said " I WANT PIZZA!, Do you want to order?". Long story short, I ordered. I ate a whole pizza last night at midnight! That needs to stop...Today I feel horrible so Im hoping i wont do that again.

Lying to myself

Why lie to myself? Its the dumbest thing ever! I say "well this is only 300 calories" knowing that its way more when I add all the toppings but i leave that out. I hate that i do that to myself. It doesnt make sense ...the only person its going to hurt is me.

simple choices

I went to the gym last night! 30 minutes later and i was wipped out! I really want to get the body i want bad. For some reason i feel like when my body is the way i want it to be everything in my life will be perfect. I feel like ill make tons of money modeling and all my dreams will come true. We will see what happens.. I set a goal of playboy! Yea, a high goal but doesnt have to be the magazine just the website...Sometimes i wonder why i want to model. Is it because i feel like if im a model the world must accept me? I feel i wont be happy until im considered the "it" girl ...

On the right track! (well...today at least)

Today im doing great but I cant speak for tomorrow. Im getting my motivation back slowly. Another breaking point for me was when my husband said hes tired of me asking for help and telling him that I need him to stop me but when he trys i just say "its fine...". How sad is that!? We actually had a fight about food. A fight because of my addiction to food and how I let it control me. Its so stupid. I wish I hated it. I shouldnt let food make me happy!

A bit more

To let you know a bit more about me I have various medical issues. I was diganosed with fibromyalgia last year so getting into the gym is that much harder. Espcecially right now. I feel like I have the health of a 60 year old and often cant even open a water bottle because im too weak. Im scared of what the future will mean to me. Will i be in a wheel chair by 30?! The pain is intense...All I want is to feel normal.

Struggle

So, it all started when I was 14 years old and started packing on the pounds. It wasnt easy being the only fat one in the household as both of my parents were thin and athletic! I wasnt a couch potatoe, I played sports but I guess I loved food a little too much. I reached 188lbs and at 5'4 thats not good! Year after year I would imagine what I wanted to look like but never did anything about it until last year I dropped 30lbs! (well it would be 22 now since I put on 8lbs again) but im still searching for my happiness. I weigh 166 and people say im curvy but must I say it again? Im fat. I know what I have to do but for some reason im not motivated like I was last year. Can I get to my goal!? EVER!?